We’re bombarded with antichristian messages everywhere in life, and from casual hookups to casual sex, our culture’s messages on dating are no different.

But Christians don’t have to follow these norms. The Bible gives us a better way.

It’s a way of chastity and wisdom. A way that understands that marriage—the end goal of dating—is for life. The person you marry will shape who you become spiritually. And that person will also be the father or mother to the children God is pleased to give you some day.

Pastorally and accessibly, Joshua Engelsma answers the practical questions of Reformed, Christian dating based on the truth that we must date differently—with marriage as the goal and scripture as the guide.

“The book is an enjoyable and easy read … It reads like I imagine a conversation on these topics would go with a wise older brother who happened to be a pastor.”—Rev. Cory Griess, pastor of First PR Church in Grand Rapids, MI 

“[A] virtue of the book is the practical approach.  The author successfully takes the biblical wisdom of Scripture and applies this to real life situations.”—Rev. Garry Eriks, pastor of Hudsonville PR Church in Hudsonville, MI

“A personal, pastoral, practical book that answers the questions dating couples will have, which should be read either before forming a relationship or inits early stages to be most effective and useful.”—Jon Van Dyk, Christian Renewal (January 18, 2020 issue)

“I would encourage all parents and youth to get this book … For what is more important than Christian marriages for God’s covenant children for their own happiness, but even more that will ‘serve their ultimate purpose: the glory of our Go din the demonstration of the unity of the Bridegroom and his Bride’ (p. 147).”—Rev. James Admiraal, The Outlook (Jan/Feb. 2020 issue)

Chapter Headings:
1. Leaving Father and Mother
2. Seeking a Life Mate
3. Courtship
4. Single Persons Who Do Not Marry
5. Engagement
6. Wedding Plans
7. “And He Shall Cleave unto His Wife”
8. “And They Shall Be One Flesh”

Rev. Cornelius Hanko gives practical instruction and pastoral wisdom on finding a godly marriage partner and maintaining that marriage. Courtship is something that young people are interested in, but, ”a serious son of the church is not merely interested in finding a mate, but realizes that he needs a companion and a helper to carry out his calling in God’s church” (p. 6) insists the author. Young men and women should not ”play the field” for ”dating is not a frivolous game that can be played without doing serious damage to some innocent victim” (p. 9) warns Rev. Hanko.

The main point of courtship, writes Rev. Hanko, is to get to know each other. This is often forgotten in the author’s experience. ”Listen”, he warns, ”There are many young people who plunge into marriage only to realize that they have never learned to know each other” (p. 11).  Conventional dating doesn’t always lead to a knowledge of the other person:

”You cannot attain that by going out for a ride, spending long hours under the moonlight … watching movies … whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears, or trying to show with your actions how much you care. If you want to know each other you must discuss subjects of common interest. It is a bad sign, if you cannot find plenty of subjects that you enjoy talking about together. If you have no common interests before you are married, do you expect to find them afterward?” (p. 13) asks the author.

There is a grave danger that young people will date and ultimately marry an unbeliever or somebody spiritually incompatible. ”You must be of the same doctrinal and religious convictions. That is simply a must. If you contemplate being joined at some future date in the permanent bond of marriage, you must be of one heart, one mind, when it comes to your spiritual life” (p. 13) warns the author.

This comes highly recommended for parents who want to teach their children about the importance of marriage, for young people contemplating marriage or courtship, and for engaged couples.

“Much common sense and biblical wisdom is to be found in this little book … How careful young people must be to seek the guidance or God with regard to a spouse! In a day when sex before marriage is regarded as the norm it is good to have the teaching of the Bible on moral purity clearly spelled out. The emphasis that is laid on the interest of the whole congregation in a member’s marriage is also wholesome. It is a common saying that ‘love is blind’ but Hanko advises to enter marriage with both eyes open” (Free Church Witness).

“Convinced that instruction on marriage is for God’s youth early on, Pastor Cory Griess has provided a distinctive devotional aid for family worship. Parents, do not delay! Before our children enter the dating scene, where feelings tend to inhibit clear Christian thought, we must ground them now in scriptural principles. The youth of the church will soon make pivotal decisions in their dating years that will permanently affect their married lives. Here is a biblical, insightful and practical guide for Christian parents, many of whom have vowed at baptism to train their children in the doctrines of Scripture to the utmost of their power.”—Pastor Jonathan Mahtani

[Reviewed by Rev. Joshua Engelsma, pastor of Crete Protestant Reformed Church]

As the title indicates, this little book is designed to be a tool to instruct children concerning dating and marriage. That in itself is an indication of the value of the book. Anything that will help future generations develop a proper biblical and Reformed understanding of dating and marriage is a valuable asset.

But there are a number of unique features about Rev. Griess’ book that make it even more valuable. For one thing, the book is not aimed at young people in their late teens and early twenties, the typical audience for a book on dating. Rather, the book is geared toward younger children. As the author states, “It is intended for an audience seventh grade and up, although even younger children will benefit” (3). The reason for this is the author’s conviction that our children need to be prepared for dating and marriage long before they are old enough to do so.

Another unique feature of this book is that, though it aims at the up-building of the youth, it is written especially for parents as a help to them in teaching their children about dating and marriage. The author says, “There is a void of material to help parents do this. There is not a void of material on dating and marriage itself, but there is a void of material that helps the parents teach their children about this important topic … [This book] is not intended to replace parental guidance (‘here, go to your room and read this’). It is intended to help the parents give that guidance, and to encourage parents in the giving of it” (2–3).

What makes this book unique as well is the fact that is a designed to be used as a devotional. It is not written as a full-length treatment of the various elements of dating and marriage, but is written to spark discussion either when the family is gathered for family worship or during night-time devotions when tucking the children in bed. The book contains a month’s worth of devotionals, each of which begins with a passage of Scripture to be read, followed by a one-page explanation and ending with thought-provoking discussion questions.

This unique approach allows parents to tie good instruction regarding dating and marriage with something they are already doing: leading their children in daily devotions. A noteworthy aspect of the book is its pastoral and fatherly approach. The author is a father and pastor who obviously writes out of a concern for his own children and their future marriages, as well as the youth of the church and their future marriages. He even notes in certain places where certain subjects might be inappropriate for very young children. Such a warm, fatherly approach serves as a good model to parents as they nurture their children, particularly with respect to their dating and marrying.

Although in my opinion a couple of the devotionals were a little lengthy, as a parent of small children I appreciated that most of the devotionals were of manageable length, usually involving the reading of a few verses of Scripture along with a brief explanation.

I’m appreciative of the work Rev. Griess put into this book and view it as a valuable resource for teaching my own children. I would encourage all parents to buy it and make use of it as well. My hope is that in the future Rev. Griess and the RFPA would produce similar devotionals on other subjects (e.g., a devotional for married couples to use in strengthening their marriages).

To read another review, click here.