In seven succinct chapters, the author brings to both single and married believers, in a straightforward way, the intensely practical instruction of the apostle Paul on sex and marriage.

In what calling am I to please God—in marriage or single life? How can I please my husband or wife sexually? If I have an unbelieving or miserable spouse, what does the Lord require of me? What is the relationship of the children of believers to the covenant of grace? How am I to rear my covenant children? As well as answering such questions and many more, this book also exposes the evils of a “Joseph marriage,” requiring “unmarried priests,” divorce for any ground other than fornication, and remarriage of both the guilty and the innocent party while their spouse is still living.

Added as an appendix is “The Remarriage of the ‘Innocent Party’—A Sermon,” a careful explanation of Matthew 19:9.

To watch the video of the author interview concerning this book, click here.

This book can be read on-line in Dutch.

“Just finished reading Better To Marry by David Engelsma, This book is very helpful and practical. Fornication is a soul destroying sin, and keeping company with fornicators is as bad as keeping company with drunkards because bad company corrupts.” – England

REVIEW

Better to Marry, by David J. Engelsma. Grand Rapids: Reformed Free Publishing Association, 1993. 105 pp. (paperback). [Reviewed by Rev. Audred Spriensma.]

Prof. David Engelsma has written another small book (105 pages) on the subject of marriage. His first book, Marriage: the Mystery of Christ and the Church, was first published in 1975 and has been reprinted several times. It is a fine book on the nature and demands of marriage based upon the teaching of God’s Word from Ephesians 5. The Christian couple in their marriage relationship are to be a picture of the glorious relationship between Christ and His church. As a pastor I was happy to give that book to all the young couples I married in my previous churches.

Now we have another book from the able hand of this writer and pastor. This book is not to replace the first book but to supplement that teaching. Now Prof. Engelsma draws from the teaching of God’s Word as it is found in that classic passage of marriage, I Corinthians 7. Here God’s Word gives us the very practical and earthy basis for marriage and the answers to problems in marriage.

We need this. Too often God’s people listen to the wisdom and advice of the world concerning sex and marriage, advice not based upon God’s Word and therefore advice that leads the saints astray. Prof. Engelsma writes, “It becomes increasingly rare that the churches and their teachers base their instruction and guidance squarely on the Word of God … the churches are ready to give counsel that deviates from, and even plainly contradicts Holy Scripture. In the end, there is no difference between the advice of the unbelieving counsellor and the advice of the supposedly Christian counsellor.” Or again he writes, “Either the churches officially adopt reports that sanction the sexual activity of the unmarried, the unbiblical divorcing and the remarrying of the married, and the homosexual lust and conduct of married and unmarried; or the churches preach a grace of God in Christ that approves all this wickedness by tolerating it in the lives of professing Christians and in the fellowship of the congregation.” Prof. Engelsma, correctly I believe, lays the blame of much of the sin where it belongs, i.e., on the church. Office-bearers will have to give an account to the Head of the church in the Judgment Day for having caused these little ones to stumble.

The theme of the book is that it is better to marry in order to flee fornication. Fornication was common in the pagan world of the apostle Paul’s day, as it is also in our day. We live in a sex-saturated society. As Prof. Engelsma points out in regard to fornication: “It is no different from eating, except that more effort is put forth to stir up the appetite for fornicating than for eating.” In this age the church must speak plainly and unashamedly about sex in the single life and in marriage.

The author can be thanked for his careful exegetical treatment of I Corinthians 7, pointing out how modern translations have corrupted the teaching of God’s Word. At the end of each chapter Prof. Engelsma sums up the teaching of God’s Word and lists implications of this teaching for the conduct and attitudes of believers and the church. And coming through loud and clear, as must be the case, is the gospel to those who have sinned, or are struggling with homosexual feelings: “It (the Gospel) forgives all past sins of fornication, including homosexual sins … and it breaks the ruling power of the sin of fornication. Whether the gospel has the power to deliver those who have the perverse desire for people of their own sex, so that they crucify this desire and resolutely refuse to practice it, is not even a question in the church where the gospel is known” (p. 10). Again, “… for those who have already broken God’s law concerning marriage, whether by fornication, by an unbiblical divorce, or by remarriage, there is a way of escape from condemnation. This way is by repentance. Repentance finds forgiveness in the atoning death of Jesus Christ. There is abundant mercy in the Saviour to blot out the guilt of fornication, desertion, divorce, and remarriage. But repentance breaks with the sin and walks henceforth in obedience to the .ordinances of God, regardless of the cost” (p. 87).

The book contains a nice section on the single person. Single life is often neglected or looked down upon. But God’s Word shows that the single life is honourable and even beneficial for the Kingdom of God. Personally I would like to see the author write a separate book on this important topic. Or perhaps we would be better served with a different title to this present book, such as “Serving the Lord in Single or Married Life.” Singleness as a lifelong state is honourable.

Christians who desire to live for God’s glory and in obedience to God’s Word whether single or married would do well to read and apply the down-to-earth practical instruction that one finds in this book.

Prof. Engelsma concludes the book with a sermon in an appendix regarding the sin of remarriage. It is well that the book ends with a sermon. It shows that not only is it possible for the church to preach these practical truths but also necessary, for preaching is the means of grace that God uses and blesses to lead His church in the truth.

6 sermons on Luke 14:25-35 on CD or DVD

“The Lord does not need servants who are willing to do something for Him: He [calls for] people who are willing to give themselves totally” (Herman Veldkamp)

(1) Hating Your Family (Luke 14:25-26)
(2) Hating Your Own Life (Luke 14:26)
(3) Bearing Your Cross (Luke 14:27)
(4) Counting the Cost (Luke 14:28-32)
(5) Forsaking All (Luke 14:33)
(6) The Salt That Lost Its Savour (Luke 14:34-35)

Many books concerning the place of women in the kingdom of God are negative. Women may not preach; women may not be elders; women may not be deacons. This book, however, seeks to do more than affirm that women are excluded from the special offices of the church. Their positive contribution, a vital one, an indispensable one is set forth.

Far Above Rubies extols God-fearing women and underlines their importance. Without godly and pious women the Church could not survive. Infected by feminism, many in the professing church-world view the work of the home as “an intolerable bore” (p. 136).  However, as the book points out, “the Scriptures do not present it that way. The Scriptures speak rather of the fact that there are few, if any, callings in all of life that are more noble than the calling [of] Christian mothers” (p. 136). Bringing forth children was the hope of Old Testament women, because they believed that the Seed of the women (Gen. 3:15) would bring salvation: they longed to bring forth the Christ. That is why women like Jehosheba (II Chron. 22:11) risked life-and-limb to save the seed royal during the dark days of godless Athaliah; that is why Hannah poured out her heart for a son during the apostate days of the judges (I Sam. 1:11). New Testament women bring forth the church, future members of Christ’s body.

One contributor describes the role of covenant mothers as “shaking Satan’s kingdom” because “there is no sound more grating to the ears of Satan than the groans of mothers bringing forth the true Israel. In that cry he does not gloat. Who knows what these little ones will grow up to be and how they will withstand his kingdom!” (p. 80).

Feminists claim that Christians and the Bible are “against” women, because the Bible does not allow women to hold special offices in the Church. Far Above Rubies demonstrates that only the biblical position is for women’: “the Bible has the woman’s own best interests in view, and prescribes what is best for the woman herself” (p. 158).  Office-bearers are not lords over God’s people (I Pet. 5:3), rather “to occupy a place of authority means very, very simply that you be a slave to God’s people, the lowliest of slaves to God’s people” (p. 133) so the idea that forbidding women office is to treat them as inferiors is mistaken. Another contributor reminds us that the Bible is “very concerned to guard against the headship of the man being interpreted to justify a harsh, tyrannical, domineering rule of the man over the woman” (p. 159).  Facing the objections head-on, he dismisses as ridiculous and a mere emotional appeal the argument that not to ordain women is to waste their gifts, and he issues this challenge to those who believe the Bible is culturally-conditioned: “Do you suppose for one minute that the Lord Jesus would allow Himself to be pressured by the cultural situation of His day? Did He ever cave in to the prejudices and wrongs of the culture of His day?” (p. 169)  Such a rhetorical question ought to silence all objection.  At stake is the doctrine of Scripture.

There is also practical advice on finding a godly woman and maintaining a godly marriage: “Young men even in the church often look only for a woman with physical attractiveness and charm. And if a girl lacks what the advertisers are looking for in a ‘cover girl’, even if she is marked by godliness and the fear of the Lord, then many young men in the church look away from her. Who is looking for a virtuous woman? I warn you, if you look for less, then the Lord may well give you what you are looking for, and you can spend a life-time learning that ‘favour is deceitful and beauty is vain.’ How many men are there, even in the church, whose lives are a little bit like hell, because God gave them that pretty she-devil that they were seeking?” (p. 8).  This is the stark warning to young men in the church.

The daughters of Sarah, therefore, ought not to envy the godless women of the world, for “generally speaking there has never been a more troubled, dissatisfied, unhappy and ungodly woman than the modern emancipated American woman” (p. 66), writes one contributor. Rather they ought to find satisfaction and fulfilment in their God-given role. The Proverb says of the virtuous woman, “Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her” (31:28). Thus this book will also encourage the men of the church to bless God for their godly wives, mothers and sisters.

REVIEW

Far Above Rubies: Today’s Virtuous Woman, edited by Herman Hanko; Reformed Free Publishing Association, 1992; 187 pp., paperwork. [Reviewed by Rev. Dale H. Kuiper.]

The1atest offering of the RFPA is a compilation of eleven sermons, speeches, pamphlets, and magazine articles by five ministers and three professors from the Protestant Reformed Churches. Editor Hanko has also included four articles of charming simplicity by Abraham Kuyper from his popular book, When Thou Sittest in Thine House. As the subtitle of the book indicates, the subject of all this writing is the woman, more particularly, today’s “virtuous woman.”

Several words come to mind as one reads through these chapters: timely, biblical, consistent, practical, and positive. Timely because the place of the woman in marriage, the home, the church, and society needs definition today. Biblical because only God may, can, and does define these important roles. Consistency is itself a ruby because it is rare that across a denomination and its seminary a unified, certain sound is sent forth. The great need is for the practical application of the Scriptural givens, so that a woman’s daily problems are addressed and she knows where to turn and how to behave. Believing women are not only informed what they are not to be doing, but are in every chapter encouraged positively in the calling whereunto God calls them. A few chapter headings will whet the appetite: “A Virtuous Woman,” “Children in Marriage,” “The Calling of the Truly Liberated Woman,” “Women in Church Office.”

A couple of criticisms come to mind. Perhaps it is inevitable with a compilation such as this that there is a degree of overlapping or repetition in the articles. In several chapters the same biblical passages are treated, identical arguments are made, and the same examples employed. While this results in some reinforcement of the reader in the biblical positions, it does become tedious if several chapters are read in one sitting. Perhaps it would be best to read the book over a period of time.

The second matter that we question is the elevating of the place and work of the woman to such exalted heights that the labors of others are made all but insignificant. For example, the work of “mothers in the home is an everlasting work. From a certain point of view, it is the only work that will ever endure” (p. 72). The work of artists and craftsmen, etc., will not endure; “there is one great work that will not be removed, but shall endure, and that is the life of the child who has been formed and molded by believing hands” (p. 82). We are of the conviction that all the labors of every child of God are kingdom labors, that none of them are in vain, and, that God is faithful to reward every one of them in time and in eternity. Among those labors of the faithful are those performed by believing women in the home. With the thoughts that a mother’s work is of great significance, and that the work is one which only she can perform, we heartily concur!

This book ought to be in every Christian home. The older girls and young women should read it to learn what they are called by God to be. The older women should read it to discover what they should be teaching by word and example. The young men must read these things to know what to look for in a wife. The older men should also read it, that they might know what to guard against and what to stand for in the home and church. A profitable book, then; one that the Holy Spirit will surely use to bring forth fruit in the home and in the church of Gods Son.

To read chapter 7 of this book in Afrikaans, click here.

To read chapter 11 of this book in Afrikaans, click here.

CONTENTS & STUDY GUIDE

Foreword – v
Chapter 1: The Covenant We Are Called to Keep (Study Questions on Chapter 1)
Chapter 2: Keeping God’s Covenant in the Church (Study Questions on Chapter 2)
Chapter 3: Keeping God’s Covenant in Marriage (Study Questions on Chapter 3)
Chapter 4: Keeping God’s Covenant in the Home (Study Questions on Chapter 4)
Chapter 5: Keeping God’s Covenant & the Exercise of Discipline (Study Questions on Chapter 5)
Chapter 6: Keeping God’s Covenant & the Antithetical Life (Study Questions on Chapter 6)
About the British Reformed Fellowship

John Calvin: “the keeping of God’s covenant always occupies the first place in His service” (Comm. on Lev. 2:13).

FOREWORD

The Triune God remembers His covenant: “He hath remembered his covenant for ever, the word which he commanded to a thousand generations” (Ps. 105:8). How few are imitators of God in this!

Jehovah commands us to remember His covenant: “Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations” (I Chron. 16:15). How quickly we forget!

Remembering God’s covenant involves keeping it by obeying His Word out of gratitude for His salvation of us in Jesus Christ: “But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children; to such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them” (Ps. 103:17-18).

God’s saints everywhere who seek sound, practical, biblical instruction as to keeping God’s covenant will welcome the publication of this helpful book. After the first chapter’s explanation of the nature of the covenant which we are called to keep, the five succeeding chapters explain what it is to keep God’s covenant in the church, in marriage, in the home, in parental discipline of children and in an antithetical life.

The six chapters of this book were originally the six main addresses at the 2004 British Reformed Fellowship (BRF) Biennial Family Conference at High Leigh, Hertfordshire, England. The members of the BRF rightly decided that these speeches deserved further circulation in book form. As you read on, I trust that you will have cause to thank our heavenly Father for providing you with this edifying publication.

The two authors, David Engelsma and Herman Hanko of the Protestant Reformed Churches in America, are members, husbands, fathers, pastors and professors in Reformed and, therefore, covenantal churches. Both have kept, preached and written about God’s covenant of friendship in Jesus Christ for many years. Works on this grand theme are included amongst their many books. Prof. Hanko has penned God’s Everlasting Covenant of Grace (1988) and We and Our Children (revised edition 2004). Prof. Engelsma has contributed The Covenant of God and the Children of Believers (2005) and Trinity and Covenant: God As Holy Family (2006). Keeping God’s Covenant is a worthy addition to their books on the covenant, especially from its practical perspective. I commend this book to you with the prayer that it may be used to increase the church’s covenant consciousness leading to more faithful covenant keeping to the honour of the Triune God.

Rev. Angus Stewart
BRF Chairman

Click here for a review of this book from the British Reformed Journal.
Click here for a review of this book from the Protestant Reformed Theological Journal.

To read this book in Burmese, click here.
To read a chapter of this book in Portuguese, click here.
This book has been translated into Spanish.

To order in N. America, please contact Trinity PRC Evangelism Committee

“I’m reading Keeping God’s Covenant and I’m very impressed. Thank you for this excellent book. It’s biblical, Reformed, simple and practical, with good day by day directions for our Christian families.” – Sao Paulo, Brazil

“I have just finished reading … Keeping God’s Covenant: it is one of the best books on the covenant that I have read.” – Australia

Chapter Headings:
1. Leaving Father and Mother
2. Seeking a Life Mate
3. Courtship
4. Single Persons Who Do Not Marry
5. Engagement
6. Wedding Plans
7. “And He Shall Cleave unto His Wife”
8. “And They Shall Be One Flesh”

Rev. Cornelius Hanko gives practical instruction and pastoral wisdom on finding a godly marriage partner and maintaining that marriage. Courtship is something that young people are interested in, but, ”a serious son of the church is not merely interested in finding a mate, but realizes that he needs a companion and a helper to carry out his calling in God’s church” (p. 6) insists the author. Young men and women should not ”play the field” for ”dating is not a frivolous game that can be played without doing serious damage to some innocent victim” (p. 9) warns Rev. Hanko.

The main point of courtship, writes Rev. Hanko, is to get to know each other. This is often forgotten in the author’s experience. ”Listen”, he warns, ”There are many young people who plunge into marriage only to realize that they have never learned to know each other” (p. 11).  Conventional dating doesn’t always lead to a knowledge of the other person:

”You cannot attain that by going out for a ride, spending long hours under the moonlight … watching movies … whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears, or trying to show with your actions how much you care. If you want to know each other you must discuss subjects of common interest. It is a bad sign, if you cannot find plenty of subjects that you enjoy talking about together. If you have no common interests before you are married, do you expect to find them afterward?” (p. 13) asks the author.

There is a grave danger that young people will date and ultimately marry an unbeliever or somebody spiritually incompatible. ”You must be of the same doctrinal and religious convictions. That is simply a must. If you contemplate being joined at some future date in the permanent bond of marriage, you must be of one heart, one mind, when it comes to your spiritual life” (p. 13) warns the author.

This comes highly recommended for parents who want to teach their children about the importance of marriage, for young people contemplating marriage or courtship, and for engaged couples.

“Much common sense and biblical wisdom is to be found in this little book … How careful young people must be to seek the guidance or God with regard to a spouse! In a day when sex before marriage is regarded as the norm it is good to have the teaching of the Bible on moral purity clearly spelled out. The emphasis that is laid on the interest of the whole congregation in a member’s marriage is also wholesome. It is a common saying that ‘love is blind’ but Hanko advises to enter marriage with both eyes open” (Free Church Witness).

Marriage: The Mystery of Christ and the Church is a Reformed pastor’s instruction and exhortation to married couples, especially young married couples, with the purpose that they glorify God in their marriages and enjoy the bliss of this blessed communion of life.

Section 1: The Biblical Gospel of Marriage, includes the following topics:

• The Christian man as husband
• The Christian woman as wife
• Sex in marriage
• The unbreakable marriage bond

Section 2 is a history of the church’s doctrine and practice of marriage from Augustine and the early church through Calvin and the Reformation to the contemporary lawlessness.

This is the newly revised and significantly expanded edition of Professor Engelsma’s book on marriage. Its predecessor went through four separate printings, and the new book has already generated considerable interest, even beyond the Reformed community.

Retained in this new edition is the development of the rich meaning of Christian marriage in light of the apostle Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5 that marriage is the great mystery of Christ and the church. With a vigorously Scriptural approach, the author shows what this implies for such timeless—but timely!—matters as the relationship of husband and wife; sex; children; divorce; and mixed marriage. The book concludes with a spirited defence of an unbreakable marriage bond.

Revision of content to the original edition includes a different interpretation of I Corinthians 7:10-11, which sheds light on the right understanding of the controversial “exception clause” in Matthew 19:9.The book is significantly expanded by the addition of a second section consisting of the history of the church’s doctrine of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Working with the writings of the church fathers, the Reformers, and contemporary Protestant theologians, as well as with various studies on marriage and divorce, Professor Engelsma traces the fatal departure of the Reformers from the doctrine of marriage held by the early church. He demonstrates that this departure has led inevitably to the marital chaos that devastates Reformed and evangelical Christianity. In the light of this fascinating history, the book calls especially the churches of the Reformation back to their catholic Christian tradition by upholding the biblical gospel of marriage.

Intended to give godly, biblical, practical instruction to believers and their children concerning their behaviour in the fundamental ordinance of human life, the book also utters a vehement protest against the compromise and corruption of marriage by the churches and their theologians in our day. Helpful indexes of names mentioned and Scriptures cited in the text were prepared for the new edition.

“This is one of those books that you wish you could put into the hands of every married couple and those contemplating marriage … If the contents of this book were put into practice, society would become more stable and broken homes would be few and far between” (The Gospel Witness).

“… one of the finest among such books flowing off the presses … The book [has] a theological depth and seriousness often lacking in non-Reformed books on this subject” (Reformed Herald).

“A book that says many biblical things about sex, children, family, the mystery of marriage. Recommended for laypersons and preachers alike” (The Reformed Journal).

“This book does faithfully reflect the teachings of God’s Word of marriage” (The Banner).

“A pastor, husband, and father speaks of marriage and its relationships in terms that few want to hear today—even in the church” (Moody).

“My wife is reading Lori and I am reading Marriage, The Mystery of Christ and His Church. I believe that this is the best book defending God’s institution of marriage ever written.” – United Kingdom

“I am writing to thank you for the truth of God’s word you shared in your book, Marriage, the Mystery of Christ and the Church. It is not often that this topic of divorce and remarriage is spoken in the churches today.” – Pennsylvania, USA

“Thanks very much for the book [Marriage, the Mystery of Christ and the Church]! I pray that God will bless this book to me and my fiancée!” – United Kingdom

“This book is the best book I have read on marriage. I have given and/or recommended this book to just about every married Christian couple I know.”

Click here to read a review by one of our readers.
Click here to read a review in the Protestant Reformed Theological Journal.

To watch the video of the author interview concerning this book, click here.

This book can be read in Korean.
Click here to read a Slovak translation of this book.
Click here to read excerpts of this book in Portuguese.
Click here to read a chapter of this book in Italian.

A comprehensive look at marriage as the principal pillar of church and society.

Contents
1. Marriage: God’s Good Creation
2. Marriage: A Beautiful Reflection
3. The Single Life: Good!
4. Sexual Purity, For Christ’s Sake (Hungarian)
5. Husbands, Love Your Wives
6. Wives, Be Subject to Your Husbands
7. Sex in Marriage
8. Children: Heritage of the Lord  (German)
9. Parental Love  (German)
10. Honour Required of Children
11. God’s Will Concerning Divorce  (Italian)
12. God’s Will Concerning Remarriage  (Italian)  (Portuguese)
13. Family Worship

This book can also be read on-line.

“I just finished reading ‘The Family: Foundations Are Shaking’ which I found excellent.” – the Netherlands

9  lectures and 2 sermons on 11 CDs or DVDs

(2018 BRF Family Conference)

6 Main Conference Addresses
1. The Divine Origin of the Family (Rev. A. Lanning)
2. The Authoritative Content of the Gospel (Prof. D. Engelsma)
3. The God-Fearing Man and His Virtuous Wife (Rev. A. Lanning)
4. The Reformed Family: Parents and Children (Prof. D. Engelsma)
5. It Is Good to Be Single (Rev. A. Lanning)
6. Unbiblical Divorce and Adulterous Remarriage: A Scandal (Prof. D. Engelsma)

5 Other addresses
7. Hating Our Family: Necessary for Christian Discipleship (Rev. M. McGeown)
8. The God of the Living (Rev. A. Lanning)
9. The Family and Education (Mr. Pete Adams)
10. The Eunuchs Who Keep God’s Sabbaths (Rev. A. Stewart)
11. Spousal Abuse in the Christian Community (Prof. D. Engelsma)

Can believers and their children understand more about God’s covenant fellowship with His people if they have a better understanding of the inner, triune life of God in Himself? Does the life of Jesus Christ revealed in the Holy Scriptures help? What have Augustine, John Calvin, Karl Barth, Leonardo Boff and others offered on this topic? Trinity and Covenant: God as Holy Family by Professor David Engelsma answers these questions and more.

In the light of the profound insights of Augustine, following the lead of various theologians in the Reformed tradition, and on the basis of God’s Word, this book conceives the life of God in Himself as fundamentally family fellowship. The fellowship of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit determines the nature of God’s works in creating and redeeming humanity. The reader of this book will grow in the understanding of God’s covenant fellowship in Himself and with His people.

“I [just] finished reading Engelsma’s new book Trinity and Covenant, and I must say enthusiastically that it is a wonderful book! Very very beautiful! How true it is what Prof. Engelsma writes there! How much would every Reformed believer benefit from the explanations in that little book!” – Italy

“Trinity and Covenant is essential reading and truly worth it’s weight in gold.” – Somerset

“I found Trinity and Covenant very good … I’m really enjoying the [CPRC material] on baptism, the covenant, etc … It is a new dimension.” – W. Midlands

To read a review of this book in the Beacon Lights, click here.
To read a review of this book in the Standard Bearer, click here.
To read a review of this book in the British Reformed Journal, click here.

To read an excerpt of this book in Afrikaans, click here.

To watch the video of the author interview concerning this book, click here.